Jul 12, 2010

Things I am yelling at the screen while I watch "Eagle Eye"

smooth talker - dialog poorly written, so acting is kind of ridiculous

cliche much?

Shia LaBeouf is so cute


yeah right

marginally thankful none of this is possible

"Thanks, Commish."

the patriot act is the antagonist's impetus?? the antagonist is a computer designed by the government to gather data and predict terrorist activity - lame

it would be cool to ride those airline conveyor belts

please, someone call this computer "bitch" before the movie is over

Billy Bob Thornton's one liners are priceless

Here's some evil computer logic: US Government no longer effective because they kill too much; must remove chain of command; i will  kill American citizens so the government will stop putting the citizens at risk through irresponsible war activities

How do we stop this computer? Bash the huge eye piece? Why didn't i think of that before I emptied out the liquid nitrogen tanks?

Why is there a huge pool beneath the super computer? It can't be there just to cushion the falls of unsuspecting military people who try to stop the computer's evil plot...

Why did the multiple car crashes flip the cop cars over but not the Porsche Cayenne in which Shia is fleeing FBI custody? I'm sensing some Porsche sponsorship in the mix.

Why does a super computer need such a crazy complicated plan to kill the chain of command? It knows where everyone is all the time. Can't it just do the dock-claw thing to the Presidential limo?

Awe, that's sweet. See, the deadbeat dad never remembers his kid's birthday, but Shia wants to bang the kid's mom, so he shows up at the end with cool presents.


  1. Nice one!

    (Did anyone end up calling the computer "bitch"?)

  2. No, but there was such a perfect moment for it (after I called it). I couldn't believe they missed such a golden opportunity after including so many over-the-top Billy Bob Thornton lines. It seemed like destiny.

  3. I'd managed to completely forget this movie until you dredged it back up. I am digging your willingness to give some of these generally dismissed movies (Book of Eli, Eagle Eye) time and space for assessment.

    I'd love to read your response to Southland Tales!!

  4. I have never heard of this movie, but if I can get it, I'll watch it.

    Also, how can the evil computer engineer all the crap that happens in the entire movie, but needs Shia to lift the biometric lock so she can proceed with offing the chain of command?

  5. Sounds like a ripoff of Robocop's fourth directive.


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