Things I am yelling at the screen while I watch "Shooter"

Let me briefly preface this post. Everything in quotes is taken word for word from the movie. This movie is a freaking GOLDMINE of one-liners. I had to leave some of them behind because hubby finally refused to push pause. Everything else is the way my brain works while I watch Shooter. Finally, to my best friend, my sincere apologies for any rift in our friendship this post might cause. 

worst premise ever

I don't for one minute believe that this guy would take this job (you thought you were going to be arrested, but instead we're offering you a job to help stop people like you from doing what only you can do)

I can't understand Danny Glover's gravely lisp

"He said yes, just doesn't know it yet."

Awe, he's worried about the president. He's a patriot at heart, even though his country screwed him. I know because he asked his dog if he should take the job defending the president. It's sweet, his relationship with his dog. I'm sure that won't be exploited later on.

The cocked eyebrow means, 'I'm thinking hard.'

Slow motion strut out of the garage...with american flag in background. This guy is screwed.

I don't for one minute believe this guy can be this smart but not realize he is getting set up.

I know the rest of the movie has to be about him getting the guys who set him up, because this is happening way too early in the movie for it to be about the assassination attempt

So the government wanted the arch bishop killed, but it had to look like an attempt on the president and there had to be a fall guy... clever, except I figured it out right now, as the arch bishop hit the ground

If your plan is to set up and kill an assassin, why not choose one who is less competent than this guy; and then pick someone more competent than the fat police officer to dispatch of him?

Nice. Ditch Brody-style escape.

Bob Lee Swagger... that's this guys name?

The shooter is a crazy survivalist, so he's just going to go ahead and administer first aid to his shot-up shoulder while his stolen secret service car goes through/hides in the car wash.

Does huffing whipped cream really knock you out?

Bob Lee Swagger is a conspiracy theorist, and it took him 35 minutes (movie time) or 2 days (elapsed story time) more than it took me to figure out that the archbishop was supposed to get shot and that the US government did it.

Who could have predicted the dog's death? Me.
Hubby, filling in dialog for Swagger who just found out his dog is dead: 'Now I'm really mad.'

"They're never gonna stop chasing you." She's wise beyond her southern accent...

Really. These people who just met (one of whom is recovering from very recent gunshot wounds) have time for inappropriate sex?

Why do women "in disguise" always dress like prostitutes?

Good costume change, Swagger, 'cause a black hoodie doesn't look conspicuous

"You are asking questions way outside your pay grade." -FBI gal to FBI guy

"I don't think you understand. These guys killed my dog."

Nick Memphis - who thought up these names?

"This is about to get worse."

"Welcome to Tennessee, the patron state of shootin' stuff."

"Most guys shoot to kill, he'd shoot to wound. Turn one target into four."

lots of compliant women in this movie; compliant and pretty much unnecessary

"Sometimes to catch a wolf you need to tie the bait to a tree." Next scene. "The man we thought was tied up, came untied."

"It's a trap, every time," says the guy who was easily framed in the beginning of the movie. I wish you had figured that out before so this movie wouldn't have to exist.

Hey, he just stabbed that guy; they should have called this movie "Stabber."

Moral ambiguity much? Why is it OK for the hero to shoot a whole bunch of US soldiers who have nothing to do with the conspiracy, who are just following orders (like him in the beginning)?

Hey, Swagger, what the my-hands-are-tied-by-jurisdiction investigator is saying is: 'What this case needs is a little vigilante justice, so just in case Danny Glover turns up dead in the morning, I won't press any charges. Wink Wink.'

Good thing the shooter got to the corrupt Senator and the corrupt Colonel right before they were about to pull another job on another third world village. He just saved a whole bunch of South American babies. I know 'cause he started shooting the bad guys right after they got done talking about their plans to go kill babies in the morning (while smoking big fat cigars and laughing about how above the law they are). At this point in the movie, do I really deserve to be bludgeoned over the head with the notion that these are the bad guys?

Of sassy camera moves and futile attempts to entertain me...

Something very strange happened to me yesterday which has managed to trump brain space that would otherwise have been fully focused on reviewing Inception. Since it sounds like many of my readers have already seen Inception or are planning to no matter what I say, I am giving myself over to writing about this weird occurrence.

A few days ago, I rented Agora because I like Rachel Weisz and well, that's pretty much why. I watched the first half yesterday afternoon and could not make myself continue. Close to the point at which I had enough the following takes place on-screen: the Christians storm the library at Alexandria (with permission from the emperor) and start destroying everything. There are scrolls flying through the air like streamers. The camera begins to tilt and doesn't stop. Soon the viewer is upside down, just as the pagans, whose former persecution of the Christians was once sanctioned by the emperor, now find themselves displaced from their center of knowledge. I can't help but chide the film in the most sarcastic voice imaginable, "Their world will never be the same." This is the sort of camera movement that has to be subtle as it relates to the story. In this case, it was way too obvious so it just seemed gimmicky, like a substitute for good film-making.

When I came home from Inception, hubby was watching the final half of Carlito's Way, a film he saw many moons ago, and one I have never seen. Here too is a movie I have no desire to watch in its entirety, but it was somehow destiny that I saw these two halves of these two movies on the same day. When Carlito gets shot, they roll him away through the subway station, the camera becomes unbound by gravity and end over end it goes. I am not kidding. It was the same shot. I will now stop to marvel at the likelihood that anyone could be inspired by Brian De Palma or Carlito's Way. It is a camera movement that has been used before and will be used again, in the same tired "my world's turned upside down" way no doubt. So the most likely explanation is that it was all a big coincidence. But, even then, it feels a little like the Universe converging, right? I almost fell asleep before the end of Carlito's Way. I would have missed it! But something made me stay with it. It might have been hubby asking me to watch the end of the movie with him. Yep. That was it. He didn't plan it though. He too was amazed by the similarity of camera movements and overall badness of the two films.

I have to say one thing in defense of Carlito's Way. Sean Penn really is a great actor. I felt like he was channeling my old boss from The Unnamed Law Offices. I wouldn't want to hurt the scumbag's feelings.

Something this poetic happens to a film fan so rarely. I feel quite blessed.

Out to the movies

I'm off to see Inception. Of course, review to follow, probably at about 1:00AM.

I hope it is better than the movie I tried to watch earlier today, Agora. Who likes these toga epics? Could there be a more boring time in history about which to make a movie. Also, movies about religion walk a fine line between OK and complete rubbish. There are so few I would call good. Let me know if I am forgetting some amazing film about religion. I guess they all fall short of capturing my personal experience, and that makes them almost as exasperating as Christian Rock.

We'll talk later.

The Brothers Bloom

Hubby rented The Brothers Bloom because he knows I like Adrien Brody. My initial reaction was to refuse to watch it. I had never heard of it, and the last time my husband was seized with "unknown movie" inspiration at the video store, I suffered through not one but two (OK, one and a half) movies about vacuum cleaner salesmen. Needless to say, we've tried this open-minded-about-unknown-movies thing before, with such disastrous results as actually paying US dollars to see Equilibrium in the theater; again because one of us (this time hubby) really liked Christian Bale.

I think his intent this time was to rib me, "Ha. You like Adrien Brody, and look at this piece of poo (I like to keep it G-rated) to which he willingly connected his name," but we were both pleasantly surprised to find so much entertainment in a movie that was not a box office smash (not that I am against Indie films, but sometimes you do get burned).

There were things I didn't think were necessary or that were a little too outlandish, but for the most part, the story was interesting enough to keep me involved, and Adrien Brody did not disappoint. Also, it was an added bonus when Rachel Weisz (whom I adore from my The Mummy phase) showed up as the love interest.

I thought the opening sequence which introduced the brothers as children was very funny and well-executed. The cinematography was fine, but could maybe have done a bit more with the exotic locales. The end was drawn-out, and felt forced. I'm not big on narration, so the narrated portions of the story irritated me. I like the visual to tell the story when at all possible. It's something that sticks with me from film school, so it is probably not my own, but there it is anyway.

I laughed several times. Rachel Weisz is Penelope, an epileptic "eccentric shut-in rich bitch" who collects hobbies. There is a hilarious montage in which she demonstrates her hobbies for Bloom (Adrien Brody); as well as some funny recurring jokes that occur in the background if you watch for them. She started out pretty eccentric, but that sort of petered out towards the middle. I'm not sure if the writers intended for her to become more normal the more she was around others or if they just didn't have any more ways to make it funny. The epilepsy never came back, so it was weird to have it set up as if it was a thing. All in all though, her character worked because the emotion she and Bloom felt for one another was evident and appealing.

Where I didn't feel the emotion was between the two brothers. Mark Ruffalo is not my favorite actor, mostly because he isn't very good. There were even times when I didn't buy Adrien Brody's performance opposite Ruffalo. I am trying not to make this a treatise on acting technique, so I will leave it there.

The title sort of lacked luster. I was never sure why Adrien Brody was called Bloom. Was Bloom their last name and he chose to go by it? It doesn't make any sense if that wasn't their last name, but that means we never know Bloom's real name. Is that supposed to be symbolic of his character being shrouded in lies? I get that, but it still bugs me as the title. It feels a little like an unnecessary homage to (rip-off of?) The Brothers McMullen.

I think I know why this film didn't smash up the box office. It was mostly about self-loathing but without the proper feel-good finish that most movie-goers crave. The end kind of sputtered to a close, and I never had the sense that Bloom had come to grips with himself. He was "released" in a sense, from his brother's influence, but not necessarily from the power of his own self-hatred. I really wanted the end of the movie to be like this: Penelope (Weisz) shows up in Montenegro with her "Penelope the con artiste" doodles; convinces Bloom (Brody) to embrace his talents and get over the fact that he has to lie all the time; he finally stands up to his older brother, and he and Penelope start up a rival gang of con artists. If he could just own his work and his character, he could be free from regret and live the life he wants. It should be clearer to him that Penelope's acceptance of him, just the way he is, is the only approval he needs.

Personal note: I am so sick of the noble guy in these stories "protecting" the woman they love from the darkness that is their unknown soul. Give me a break. Do you really think we can't handle your evil? We've been in it up to our ears since time began. I always have to wonder how much the guy really loves the girl if he underestimates her abilities so vastly. Bloom goes so far as to try to trick Penelope into leaving him, instead of just telling her that he wants to keep her away from the rottenness inherently attached to his way of life. Here's a novel concept, why not let her choose? Anyway, Penelope is better at card tricks than Steven (Ruffalo), so right there Bloom ought not to dismiss this girl's potential as a con artist. (That was a jab at the overuse of the card-tricks-being-a-micro-version-of-the-con theme).

I wrote the following note to myself during the viewing: "pretty hardcore self-loathing; please let this film be about accepting who you are and embracing it." Alas, it was not about that. It was about blaming someone else for your problems (according to Bloom, his brother keeps writing him into these stories) and only sort of getting over it, and only then when that person is gone. Still, there were enough zany hijinks to keep me going, even though the denouement was protracted and a bit of a let down.

District 9: One of the Best of 2009

 

District 9 oscillates between a documentary style and a traditional 3rd person omniscient story-telling format. The documentary style lends immediacy and realism to the story, while the more traditional format fills in the gaps. I'm pretty sure the first 30 minutes of this movie actually elevated my heart rate (the word that kept running through my mind was "unsettling"). It was an intense viewing experience, mostly due to the principle actor's incredible debut performance.

I am dumbfounded that Sharlto Copley had no prior acting experience before starring in District 9. I can only marvel at the quality of his acting and that of the film-making. The story was good, if not a little unoriginal. It is clearly the writer's intent to throw apartheid abuses into a metaphorical spotlight. I am reminded of the metaphor for Native American-resettlement evident in the movie Avatar, upon which I have already commented. All that aside, wow! If you're going to whine about social and racial injustice, the least you can do is entertain those of us who go to the movies to escape the misery of the real world. Nicely done. I was entertained and only mildly riddled-with-guilt.

We meet Wikus Van De Merwe just as he is being promoted. His company MNU is in charge of District 9, an alien-inhabited slum on the outskirts of Johannesburg. Through "documentary footage" we learn that the aliens are being evicted to a resettlement camp far outside of town, and Wicus has just been named the boss of the eviction proceedings. He is giddy, excited, downright school-boyish as he sits at his desk answering  interview questions and preparing to go out in the field. Quickly, though, we see another side of his character as he jovially "aborts" illegally spawned alien eggs, makes jokes at inappropriate times with team members who are nervous and uncertain, and fails to provide a flack jacket for another team member (though he is wearing one), saying that they aren't really necessary because everything is going to go smoothly. His demeanor is clearly at odds with the tense and sometimes violent atmosphere. At one point, a severed limb (presumably of one of the human team members) is being loaded into a garbage bag. The carnage doesn't phase him in the least. Then, he is worried about finding a place to get lunch moments after an altercation leads to one alien's violent death. His flippancy toward the aliens who are being evicted and the situation at large (when he encounters the very dangerous voodoo war lord, he smiles into the camera and chides his team to move along, don't make eye contact) served to heighten my interest and feelings of foreboding. I felt that here was a man who was going to be in over his head soon, and I was right. As things go awry, he loses his "cool" (in quotes because his appearance is the very definition of nerdy), batting the camera away in fits of rage and letting more evictions get out of hand. The polite exterior begins to crack, revealing a more uncertain character.

Aside: Here I am reminded of the maddening calm of Nurse Ratched in One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest. What makes her so sinister? It isn't merely the cruel things she says and does. It is the way in which she says and does them. Her steady tone and civility refuse to acknowledge the truth about her environment (insane people everywhere doing all kinds of crazy stuff) or about her feelings toward her patients. The condescension with which she addresses her charges is just unsettling.

Unlike, Nurse Ratched, Wicus (as the protagonist) is given a strange and unpleasant opportunity to amend his character flaws. He must bump up against his self perception more than once before the story ends. In many ways the film is about personal and cultural identity and how the two are so intertwined. He begins as a South African and a human. At the end, he not only sympathizes more with the alien whose escape he abets, but he becomes an alien. He wants to return to his human identity, but is physically barred from doing so, until further notice. For now he must now forge an alien destiny, hoping that he will one day be restored to his humanity.

I sincerely hope there is no sequel. The end left me with a final impression that is more powerful because I can only guess at Wicus's ultimate fate. If his alien friend survives and returns in three years, he could be returned to normal. The uncertainty at the end is the perfect punctuation of realism in this fantastic film.

Underrated: The 'burbs

Some of you may have seen The 'burbs on my top ten list. In college, I thought I was giving my friends a major treat when I introduced them to this movie for the first time. They all fell asleep. All of them. One friend complained loudly as he stumbled off to bed that it was the most boring movie he had ever been made to sit through. I was bewildered and crushed. How could I be so wrong about this movie?

My sincere admiration for The 'burbs goes back to the days when families still went to drive-in movies. All the way back to a time when you had to clip the radio receiver onto your half-opened car window. Yes, this was before FM channel coordination.

Occasionally, on a lazy weekend in summer, my family would take in a drive-in movie. On this particular evening, we decided to go see a nice family picture, K-9. If you've seen K-9 you know it isn't appropriate for children whose mothers are my mother. We didn't know what we were getting into, and I'm guessing it's because we saw this trailer. However, it so happened that the marquis at this drive-in had reversed the order of their movies so The Burbs showed first although it was listed second. None of us knew anything about this movie. I guess we missed this trailer (bear in mind I was 9 years old, so I had no awareness of movie trailers and wasn't even allowed to watch MTV for goodness sake). We decided to stay, even when the opening sequence made it seem that the movie might be a little scary for young children (I am the oldest of three). The rest is Lloyd family lore. We laughed hysterically and much later purchased the VHS (a rare honor reserved only for beloved classics such as Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves and Tremors).

This movie is funny because 1) Corey Feldman, the airhead teenager who lives next door, makes weird faces when he is on-screen but not the principle actor in the shot. It's fun to watch for these "reaction" shots. 2) Bruce Dern is the ex-military, takes-himself-way-too-seriously, kinda nutty neighbor who is dying for a reason to use his military gear. 3) The wife is Carrie Fisher; I have loved and adored and wanted to be Princess Leia since my earliest recollection. My love of film was in no small way shaped by her early influence in my life. 4) There is a great scene involving some funny demonic chanting... You'll have to watch it yourself. It just sounds twisted if I quote it. 5) Tom Hanks is downtrodden dad and husband Ray Parker who turns vigilante on his creepy neighbors. This was before he did dramatic roles, so he was still doing the Tom Hanks "spaz" thing all the time, and I think he was at his "spastic" peak in this performance. 6) Quotability. "I've never seen that. I've never seen anyone drive their garbage to the end of the driveway and then bang the hell out of it with a stick. I've never seen that." 7) The soundtrack enhances both the funny moments and the scary ones. 8) There is just the right amount of slapstick - Bruce Dern falling off the roof or falling through the rotting floorboards on the Klopeck's porch while holding a plate of brownies, "There go the goddamn brownies." After picking them up off the porch and putting them back on the plate, he presents them to the new neighbors, saying,  "Here you go, sonny. A little somethin' for the sweet tooth."

Note: I had never seen the above-linked trailer before I began writing this review. I could write an entire piece about this trailer. Love for this movie is swelling in my bosom. I am aware that this may diminish my credibility as a critic, but I am OK with that.

film term of the day: Gaffer

Gaffer: the chief electrician on a film crew; maintains lighting equipment and works with the Cinematographer to light the set

The Cinematographer or Director of Photography (DP) is in charge of the artistic look of the film. The gaffer is the grunt who gets it done. The best boy is the gaffer's assistant. The electrical crew reports to the gaffer.

Lighting is one of those things in a movie that you take totally for granted. If it is done well, you don't think about it. If it is done poorly, you will probably think or say to yourself, "Hey, I can't see what's going on." Without light, there is no film exposure (or digital image) and no movie. The gaffer will never be famous, but his work is indispensable.

Example: Sometimes there are little pinpoints of light visible in an actor's eyes during a closeup. These are special lights called eye lights. A light is set up to reflect off the subject's eyes, giving them more depth of emotion and is just one of many lights used at the same time on a given shot. The gaffer is likely to be the one who chooses the right light for this job (as well as all the others), though most DPs are quite knowledgeable about the many kinds of lights available. As a licensed electrician, the gaffer is aware of all aspects of a given light's function including its required wattage, how to handle it safely (most lights on a film set become very hot), what color gels to use in order to achieve a desired effect, correct placement of the light relative to the action or subjects on camera and so on. The gaffer maintains intimate knowledge of all lights on a film set (of which there are easily dozens of varieties and hundreds of individual units). Lights are usually rented for the duration of the production schedule from a warehouse that specializes in film equipment, and this inventory is managed by the gaffer and those who report to him.

This brief article cannot come close to illuminating the amount of knowledge and hands-on expertise a gaffer employs on the job each day.

film term of the day: Adaptation

Adaptation: a version of an existing story rewritten for the screen (also the name of a film which deals humorously with the idea of adapting a best selling book to screen)

Example: William Goldman's The Princess Bride
At times containing portions of dialog that are a word for word match, both book and film were written by screenwriter William Goldman. The book is written like a movie, and the movie deviates little from the story in the book. Indeed, the book itself claims to be an adaptation - and can be seen as a clever commentary on the subject - its premise being that it is the author's favorite parts of a much older book edited together (or should I say heavily abridged?) to make a more fluid story. Both the film and the book are works of true genius.

Extreme example: The Count of Monte Cristo (starring Jim Caviezel)
Based very loosely on the famous classic novel, nearly the only similarity are characters' names and the manner in which The Count escapes from prison. There were by necessity (the book in its unabridged form is over 1000 pages) so many omissions in the film version that it is barely recognizable as the same story.

Note: lots of film adaptations fall somewhere between the two examples given above, in that many story elements are recognizable from book to film, but liberties have been taken for time or other considerations (obvious e.g. Harry Potter movies).

Personal note: I am typically against novel-abridgment, but found myself coming down on the "for it" side of the argument during my months-long attempt to read The Count of Monte Cristo. I am not averse to reading long novels (I have thoroughly enjoyed longer ones than this), but this one was rambling and inconsistent in its "voice," and just boring. I did read every last word, eventually, and am proud of myself for slogging through; but it shines in my memory as one instance in which I should have read the abridged version instead.

Things I am yelling at the screen while I watch "Eagle Eye"

smooth talker - dialog poorly written, so acting is kind of ridiculous

cliche much?

Shia LaBeouf is so cute

piffle

yeah right

marginally thankful none of this is possible

"Thanks, Commish."

the patriot act is the antagonist's impetus?? the antagonist is a computer designed by the government to gather data and predict terrorist activity - lame

it would be cool to ride those airline conveyor belts

please, someone call this computer "bitch" before the movie is over

Billy Bob Thornton's one liners are priceless

Here's some evil computer logic: US Government no longer effective because they kill too much; must remove chain of command; i will  kill American citizens so the government will stop putting the citizens at risk through irresponsible war activities

How do we stop this computer? Bash the huge eye piece? Why didn't i think of that before I emptied out the liquid nitrogen tanks?

Why is there a huge pool beneath the super computer? It can't be there just to cushion the falls of unsuspecting military people who try to stop the computer's evil plot...

Why did the multiple car crashes flip the cop cars over but not the Porsche Cayenne in which Shia is fleeing FBI custody? I'm sensing some Porsche sponsorship in the mix.

Why does a super computer need such a crazy complicated plan to kill the chain of command? It knows where everyone is all the time. Can't it just do the dock-claw thing to the Presidential limo?

Awe, that's sweet. See, the deadbeat dad never remembers his kid's birthday, but Shia wants to bang the kid's mom, so he shows up at the end with cool presents.

Film Quiz: First of many...

Instructions: Email answers to veronicathefilmcritic@gmail.com
Deadline: July 20th
Prizes:
-Eco-friendly shopping bag with The Film Critic logo, containing journal and pen (also bearing logo)
-selection of used books upon which movies have been based
-Crayola crayons and sketch pad (hey, I'm buying this stuff, so when Wal-Mart has Crayons for 25 cents, it's on...)

Rules: You may not use the internet or any other printed material to find any answers; These answers must be inside you already; You may not ask friends to help because you should be sending them here to play too.

We're on the honor system here, so don't be a jerk.

1. Who was Roger Ebert's original counterpart? Gene Siskel
2. Who plays the villain in Roger Rabbit? Christopher Lloyd
3. Who directed The Last Kiss? Tony Goldwyn (you know him as Carl from Ghost)
4. In which feature film did Halle Berry first appear? Jungle Fever she is Samuel L. Jackson's girlfriend and is beside him when he says, "I am a crack head."
5. In the movie Die Hard John McClain is barefoot because...? A fellow airline passenger had told him that making "fists with his toes" in the carpet would relax him after a flight.
6. The movie The Room has gathered something of a cult following on-line (and at Rocky Horror Picture Show-like late-night theater screenings). What is its claim to fame? It is the worst movie of all time.
but I like John Kenny's answer the best: "For being so bad that it surpassed being bad and turned into something historically awful."
For the following 4 questions, each correct answer will receive one point. Name as many movies as you can by the director listed in which the actor listed appears
7. James Cameron/ Bill Paxton  -  1) Aliens 2) Terminator 3) Titanic 4) True Lies
8. Martin Scorsese/ Leonardo DiCaprio - 1) The Departed 2) Aviator 3) Shutter Island 4) Kings of New York
9. Ridley Scott/ Russell Crowe - 1) Gladiator 2) A Good Year 3) Robin Hood 4) American Gangster
10.Judd Apatow/ Paul Rudd and Steve Carell (together) - 1) 40 Year Old Virgin 2) Knocked Up (my sister is a Judd Apatow nut and has informed me that Steve Carrell appears briefly in Knocked Up and was uncredited)

11. 5 bonus points awarded for the shortest "degrees of Kevin Bacon" answer to the following:
Cary Grant and Zach Efron (NO CHEATING! I will know if Oracle of Bacon has been employed; and stay off imdb!!) - Lots of answers
12. In which film does Kevin Bacon play an actor who is researching a role as a cop by tagging along on an actual murder investigation? Novocaine
13. Who directed Star Wars V: The Empire Strikes Back? Irvin Kershner
14. Name the actress who won "Best Actress in a supporting role" at the 1993 Oscars. Maris Tomei
15. Which classic film do Harry and Sally discuss throughout When Harry Met Sally? Casablanca

The winners are:
1) John Kenny
2) Raquel
3) SallyO

Congratulations!!